Tunnel vision

Today I am a bit depressed. I keep hoping that God will answer my prayers. I ask Him many times a day to give me a sign, come to my rescue do something that will give me hope to get through this long, dark tunnel that seems to be closing in on me. Nothing. Not even a call.

I know He is there and that He loves me. That’s not really a question with me. I told Him that I was His and would follow Him regardless of the outcome. Ouch. That’s the tough part. I don’t think I’m ready to face what He’s got in mind. Or maybe I’m really scared that what He has in mind is not really what I have in mind. Lipservice is easy. But now, I just might have to pay up with the actual deed.

It seems that the more attached you get to things, the harder it is to let go. I think this applies not just to physical things like houses and cars, but also to lifestyles, relationships and attitudes as well. The more I invest in something, the harder it is to let it go.

So, how do get my mind in the right place to understand this? Common sense tells me that it has to do with my perspective and how Concrete I see my relationship with God. It’s easy for me to live out my relationship with my wife and kids and how that affects decisions during my day….but it takes this thing called Faith to “realize” the concept of an invisible, all powerful and loving being that will somehow make everything in my life right. And even that “right” is according to how He sees “right”.

Love is like that. You really don’t know just what you’re getting into when you say “I do” but you know she loves you and somehow the two of you will make everything that life throws at you work. It’s a decision and not just a feeling. So I decide that I will follow Him. Because I know in my heart of hearts that I just can’t live without His love in my life. I don’t want to. And I know that just because He doesn’t pick up the phone or answer the way I want Him to…that doesn’t mean He’s not there or doesn’t love me. But maybe it’s part of the trust thing and growth thing and the maturity process He’s taking me through on becoming the “image of Christ” in Roman 8:29. Kind of a love-hate thing. I love the idea of becoming…but hate the process. Okay, now I feel better…I think.